you are what you love, not what loves you

Lately, when driving in my car, I won't have music or anything playing. It's been good in helping me to organize my thoughts and figure out solutions to things that are on my mind. That is, when I can think about anything aside from the idiotic people swerving out into my lane or running red lights trying to kill me. This is Utah, after all, and I don't care if it's a 'stereotype,' people here can't drive.

Anyway, I was driving home in solitude from some errands this afternoon, and I came to a realization.

I will not settle for anything less than the deepest, most passionate, most overwhelming love. I've been spending time with a few different guys lately, and some of these situations have had many positives but overall, disappointment.

My dating history is a treacherous road littered with such stories--short-lived relationships with guys who I don't feel very strongly about, despite the positives. I have to believe that there is the possibility of a love that is worth all the heartache I've had over the years. The capacity I possess for feelings so deep they cause me indescribable pain must have another side--the capacity for feelings so deep they bring me indescribable joy.