Thursday, December 27, 2007

childhood nostalgia

Being the second of eight children in my family, I have seen a remarkable difference in the way I spent my childhood and the way my younger siblings live. Not only because my parents are much more stable financially, but also because the world has so quickly been overrun by technological advances and conveniences.


My little siblings have cell phones, iPods, video games, the internet, and a million other pre-packaged, pre-recorded, pre-made forms of entertainment. It's sad, really.

My fondest childhood memories revolve around the imaginative world I created for myself. Hour upon hour spent with my older brother and younger sister digging in the dirt and ruining my underclothes at an empty lot next to our house, mysteriously dubbed "The Cracking Spot." Exploring the woods across the street my mother forbid me to cross. My miniature easel, my favorite toy of all, which put my imagination on paper. Berry picking, books, rock collections, climbing every fence and tree that stood in my way. Childhood is defined by dirt on the knees of your britches and pockets stuffed full of newfound treasures.

In light of such lovely childhood memories, I asked for a book for Christmas called The Daring Book for Girls. This adorable book boasts page after page of classic childhood activities--from knot-tying to cartwheels to jumprope rhymes and everything in between. A trip down memory lane, indeed.




See also The Dangerous Book for Boys:



Saturday, December 15, 2007

i'm so excited!! i'm so....scared.

i haven't had access to television for several months, probably much to my benefit.

we just got cable set up in our new house two days ago, and i can already feel my life slipping slowly away from me. which i'm fine with. but there's something nostalgic about getting up on saturday morning to eat cold cereal and watch Saved by the Bell in my pajamas.

ESPECIALLY when it's my all-time favorite episode.

Jessie Spano is feeling the pressure of trying to balance school, college applications, friends, Slater, and her up and coming singing group, Hot Sundae. Fearing a failing grade on her geometry midterm that will keep her from her dreams of Stanford, Jessie turns to caffeine pills to make time for studying. Though the pills give her the energy she needs to cram through the night and rehearse with Hot Sundae by day, things take a turn for the worse when she crashes the night of her group's big performance for the record label reps at The Max.

When Zack discovers Jessie sleeping just hours before the gig, he realizes Slater's concerns were true. Jessie has a problem. With the loving support of the whole crew, Jessie realizes she doesn't always have to be the best at everything.

Friday, December 14, 2007

barf.

My Dear Readers (assuming someone reads this):

i must apologize for the continuous string of rants i've been posting. i don't want to misrepresent my life, because frankly, i'm happier right now than i've been in a long, long time. i've made a lot of big decisions the last little while to make that happiness a possibility, so i'm really grateful for that. and also, my loyal readers, i owe you my honesty.

HOWEVER

allow me one last commentary on a rather negative experience. you can even ignore it and it won't hurt my feelings a bit, because i know i'm beginning to sound like a broken record. fear not, i will soon bless you with posts about rainbows and kittens. but in the meantime...

boys are horrid creatures. i say boys very deliberately, because i don't believe the word 'men' can be of much use in such situations as this. i am so unbelievably weary of guys my age (and older) who lack the communication skills or honesty or maturity to act properly in dating. these boys can't seem to grasp the concept that honesty is almost universally the solution to any issue.

you like me and want to see me again? so call me and say that.

you don't like me and never want to see me again? so...CALL ME AND SAY THAT.

you thought you liked me, and maybe even touched my leg or (GASP!) kissed me, but now you don't like me and never want to see me again? SO? PICK UP YOUR PHONE AND INFORM ME OF YOUR DECISION!

without fail, every single dating situation i've been in that has gone sour (and there are more than i care to remember), the root of the problem was always a lack of forthrightness. just say it. whatever it is cannot be anywhere near as bad as just pretending nothing ever happened.


Boys vastly overestimate how much girls really care about them. Even if i like you after a couple of dates, it doesn't mean i'm imagining us in front of the temple or coming home from the hospital after the birth of our beautiful baby boy who looks just like his daddy. in fact, i almost NEVER think about babies.

At least not since all the hubbub surrounding the birth of baby Suri died down.

Monday, December 10, 2007

you are what you love, not what loves you

Lately, when driving in my car, I won't have music or anything playing. It's been good in helping me to organize my thoughts and figure out solutions to things that are on my mind. That is, when I can think about anything aside from the idiotic people swerving out into my lane or running red lights trying to kill me. This is Utah, after all, and I don't care if it's a 'stereotype,' people here can't drive.

Anyway, I was driving home in solitude from some errands this afternoon, and I came to a realization.

I will not settle for anything less than the deepest, most passionate, most overwhelming love. I've been spending time with a few different guys lately, and some of these situations have had many positives but overall, disappointment.

My dating history is a treacherous road littered with such stories--short-lived relationships with guys who I don't feel very strongly about, despite the positives. I have to believe that there is the possibility of a love that is worth all the heartache I've had over the years. The capacity I possess for feelings so deep they cause me indescribable pain must have another side--the capacity for feelings so deep they bring me indescribable joy.

relocation

I am now an official resident of Orem, Utah. Adieu, my dear Provo.

Although only minutes away from Provo, I felt a bit of anxiety about leaving the town I have called home for the last 4 years. Shanna and I looked all over for a place, and the only one we felt okay about was this house in Orem. It was incredibly stressful last week--not only with the move, but I also started my new job at Nordstrom and my parents were in town again this weekend. Contrastingly to other stressful/busy times in my life, the last week has been really, really good. I feel happy and contented. I am ecstatic about living with my sister, I like my new job, and it's been amazing spending time with my family the last little while. Sleeping on an air mattress and having to dig my belongings out of cardboard boxes hasn't even been able to shake my happy mood.

Not to mention...I'm so close to everywhere I need to go! Target? Mere minutes away. The mall, my new place of employment? Just down the street. Best thai food in the valley? I'll have you there in ten minutes. Riverwoods, you ask? Please, it's almost too convenient.

It's strange how being just a little ways away from Provo has helped me clear my mind and get away from some of the stresses and anxieties and insecurities I've been experiencing, especially since I finished school. Graduating was as far as I had planned. I didn't know what to do next, and I felt confused and lost. I've been lucky enough to discover some new goals. I have a lot I want to work toward right now in my life, and I'm going to focus on the positivity of those goals and the fulfillment I get from them.

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

living in a material world

I feel much better today.

I was having anxiety over starting my new job, but it went really well today. I had fun and I didn't suck at it. And I only screwed up a few things. And none of those screw-ups involved fire, police or other emergency vehicles, or me falling down in some embarrassing manner in front of large groups of people. Which for me marks a real success.

Tomorrow I'm moving to my new house! Excitement! I could care less about the actual living conditions, I'm just ecstatic to be living with my darling sister. FINALLY. After 3 years in the same town we are reunited under one roof. I hope she reads this so she knows how amazing she is and how much I love her. Because seriously, I couldn't dream up a better woman to have as sister/friend/confidant/partner in crime. Love her to death, forever and ever.

So, after one day of work there is one thing I REALLY want and don't need at all (cue Madonna's Material Girl):

I already have one Hobo brand wallet *j'adore* with all my heart and soul, but if one brings me such joy, imagine my life with TWO? Money actually can buy happiness, and this age-old adage is even more true with a 20% discount.

i blame it on the snow

i am feeling so unsettled today. unnerved. restless. upset. frustrated. i don't even know what it is. but i don't like it and i don't know how to go about stopping it.

stressed about my new job, my new house, my new career/life plan, my new crush(es), and all the other old, leftover stressy stuff that still hasn't gone away despite my best efforts. stressed so i can't sleep and it makes me even more stressed. nothing but stress the last week or so. it hurts.

and it doesn't help that I HATE THIS WEATHER. show me a presidential candidate who is PRO GLOBAL WARMING and i will vote for them. snow must be stopped. it is compromising both my happiness and sanity. and i'm just that selfish.

diet coke can't be the only thing in the world right now that makes me feel normal. i'm going to quit.

after i finish the 12 pack downstairs, of course.

Saturday, December 1, 2007

Googles, Blogs, and Boys, OH MY!

I googled my name as I was hoping something else might come up aside from the Phi Eta Sigma (?) award I apparently got my freshman year of college but don't remember. Time to revise that old resume! My guidance counselor told me employers really love to see freshman academic honor roll on paper, so it should put me ahead of the competition. Thank you, Google!

And Lucky me! I also discovered someone had actually mentioned me in their blog, albeit nearly a year ago. Boy, were my ears red!

Perhaps I should find this little shout-out by one of Provo's finest indie rocking all-stars Scott Larson somewhat offensive and/or hurtful, but thankfully I'm an adult. And thankfully it's not news to me that Gifford's frequent phone calls were performed with the sole purpose of mocking me.

Guys! No more prank calls, okay?
Can't we all be awkward friends again like the old days?