A Sea Air

did i mention...?

2009-03-12T23:15:00.000-07:00

...i'm terribly busy being in love and don't have time to blog?

so sorry.

but not really.

mighty fine in 2009

2009-01-07T22:31:00.000-08:00

I am having a wonderful year so far!

okay, i realize it's far too soon to be patting myself on the back about keeping my resolutions, but you know what? i dont care, because i am feeling good about this year so far.

i started training on monday for the salt lake city half marathon on april 18. any of my loyal readers (aka my family) wish to join me in this pursuit? please do! it will be fun and challenging! and you still have plenty of time to train.

tyler got us tickets to three movies at the sundance film festival! i'm pretty excited about that. and two of those are premieres, so maybe i can meet some celebrities? i'll let you know.

saving money is the other thing i'm working on. i opened a savings account that automatically takes money from my paychecks. i stopped eating out (SERIOUSLY! such a waste of money! the biggest waste!) and have been bringing my lunch to work every day.

i feel so much better already. happy new year!

also...

2009-01-05T00:15:00.001-08:00

someone at work was talking to me the other day and laughing at some ridiculous thing i said, then asked if i had a blog. i said yes, to which they replied "is your blog as funny as you are?"

i certainly hope the lame-ness of my blog is not a reflection on my personality. i most certainly do hope.

but just in case it is, here is a funny story for my many thousands of dedicated readers (ha).

tonight my 10-year-old brother Shane called me up, which in itself is pretty unusual. as a preface to the conversation that followed, let me tell you that last week while i was home from christmas [and snowed in at the cabin where my personal hygiene and sanity quickly went awry] pretty much the only thing i did was play Purr Pals on Nintendo DS...in my pajamas. Embarrassingly, shane and i fought over the game as we both have a ridiculous affection for kittens.

so he called me up tonight offering to sell me the game for $15, which i must say is a fantastic deal. especially if you love kittens as much as i do but regretfully live in a rented house where you're denied the fanciful pleasures of a real kitten. but i don't have a DS to play it on, which is what i told him. so apparently my other brother Sam is willing to sell me his DS for a mere $80. these two are obviously hard up for cash since my dad is unemployed and they can't legally hold jobs.

i'm going to have to sleep on it. it's a pretty good deal, after all.

i'm kind of old.

2009-01-04T16:10:00.000-08:00

i am so terribly terrible at blogging. why do i bother?! i guess i'm just trying to keep up with my mom and her consistent updates on the family.

to get to the point: life is good. i am happily continuing my education at Shep Studio in provo, where i learn to love what i'm doing more and more every day. my job at nordstrom still continues to pay the bills and becomes more fun the longer i'm there (can you believe it's been a year!?). for that matter...

-it has been almost TWO YEARS since i finished my degree at BYU
-it has been almost SIX YEARS since i graduated from high school
-it has been THREE YEARS since i got home from Paris
-i've had a boyfriend for six-ish months (i'll have to check the books, but i think this is a record)

yipes. I FEEL SO OLD. but not necessarily in a bad way. i've gotten quite a lot done in the last 23 years, and i definitely feel like the momentum of my life is in full swing right now. i'm so happy for all the experiences i've had (good and bad!) and for where i'm at right now. it's been so interesting to see how different my life is from where i imagined not too long ago.

MORE BLOGS!!!

2008-12-13T01:04:00.000-08:00

at the subtle request of my sister for "MORE BLOGS!!!," let me quickly post despite the current time of 2 a.m. (and my alarm set for 7:30 a.m.) with 13 hours of work ahead of me tomorrow.

Happy Holidays to all, a time of giving and cheer, warm beverages, and kittens with ribbons tied around their necks (i wish!). when you work in the retail industry, the holidays can be a little...disheartening. here are a few tips from an industry insider on how to NOT ruin people's lives as you're doing your Christmas shopping.

* It's YOUR fault that you waited until the last minute, not mine. If the item is gone or you have to pay overnight shipping, why are you annoyed at me? And why are you surprised that it's crowded and you're waiting in lines? WHY!? WHY?!?!? YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF! AGAIN! EVEN AFTER LAST YEAR WHEN YOU SWORE YOU WOULDN'T!!!!

* If you want to haggle prices, go to a flea market or a garage sale, not a high-end department store. I CAN'T GIVE YOU A SPECIAL DISCOUNT! AHHH!!!! stop asking, or else the special discount is going to be a punch in the face.

* You're in a hurry, you say? But you want all this gift wrapped? In individual boxes? You can either give me five minutes or wrap that shiz yourself, which will probably take you a lot longer. Also, it's FREE, so don't hassle me if the bow isn't perfectly symmetrical or the box has a fingerprint on it. You'll live, I promise.

* Um...it's the holidays. Maybe you should just be nice to people. Even the sales girl at your local department store.

Okay but seriously, it's really fun helping nice people pick out the perfect gift for someone they care about. And I like gift wrapping. And I love listening to Christmas music all day and being in a place that is beautifully decorated for the holidays. My Christmas shopping is done, I have my plane ticket to go home, and someone special to drop me off at the airport and miss me while I'm there.

I love you all and Merry Christmas!

miracle on 500 west

2008-11-03T23:02:00.000-08:00

i am officially an aunt.

little Bailey was welcomed into the world very early sunday morn, and i have been going baby crazy ever since. i'm quite certain every nordstrom employee now knows that she weighs 10 pounds 2 ounces, seeing as i couldn't refrain from talking about her nonstop at work today. i think the whole family has been walking on air after a safe and happy delivery for both nicole and bailey.

tonight at work, a customer came into my department and was returning a diaper bag, still new with the tags. i asked her, as i usually do with returns, if there was anything wrong with it or if she needed help finding something else. she paused and then said, "no, i bought it for my niece but the baby died at birth."

i immediately began to cry, and so did she as she told me the heartbreaking story of her niece's first baby. they didn't know anything was wrong until the mother went into labor, and upon arriving at the hospital and hooking up the monitor for the baby, they could not find a hearbeat. she was born, perfect and beautiful and still, and held by her family only briefly before they had a funeral for her. they named her Hope. all i could think of was how grateful i am that Bailey was safe and healthy, and my heart broke for this family who was not given the chance to know their daughter on earth.

after the customer left, i could barely hold it together so i had to go into the stockroom. i cried tears of both gratitude and sorrow. just recently experiencing the joy a baby can bring made me feel the terrible loss this tragedy brought to another family. we have been truly blessed and the gospel is true! we are children of God and he sends each of us here, even if just for a brief moment, to help and inspire each other.

North Carolina!

2008-10-26T12:48:00.000-07:00

i went to north carolina and had the most amazingly fun time with shanna and austin (and austin's parents-- they are so adorable). i needed a break so badly and i couldn't have asked for a more relaxing and low-key vacation. north carolina is B E A U T I F U L and i could seriously see myself living there; it reminds me of washington in some ways. all i have are a few pictures i took with my phone:

Bojangles...now i know what Austin's talking about whenever Shanna asks what he could eat if he could have anything in the world...

Goodberry's frozen custard! Site of mom's embarassing 'lost in translation' moment, if i'm not mistaken :)

tobacco leaves at the North Carolina State Fair.

so many fried foods, oh so many.

need i say more?

boo ya'll

2008-10-10T01:17:00.000-07:00

sorry i'm a failure at blogging. at least it's in an attempt to NOT be a failure as an apprentice.

things are good. i will update soon.

did this really happen?

2008-09-15T10:52:00.000-07:00

Me: "Is there something I can help you with?"

Customer: "No, thanks. Your hair is really cute!"

Me: "Ohh, thank you!"

Customer: "Is it a wig?"

Me: "Um.................no."

why do bad things happen to good people?

2008-09-01T20:45:00.001-07:00

i lost my ticket to bob dylan (somewhere during the move?).

i tore apart my house/car in search of it.

i didn't see bob dylan.

please don't ask me about it or i will cry.

the good news is, i swam in a crater this morning. it was warm like unto a bath. then i ate piles and piles of breakfast food at a cowboy diner and went to work all night and sold a million handbags, earning time and a half.

happy labor day to all. the end.

at least i still have a job.

2008-08-29T22:38:00.000-07:00

i got a call from the HR manager while i was at work today. that is never good. they usually call you when you're getting fired, so i began racking my brain thinking about any possible reasons they could be firing me. i was sweatin' it hard and when i went upstairs to meet with HR they handed me a letter and asked me to read it before they would 'discuss' it with me.

i won't bore you with all the details, but long story short, the commission percentages for my department were screwed up for the entire month of July, thus affecting the pay of everyone working in handbags at every Nordstrom location. I was OVERPAID by $546.20 in July. and i was asked in no uncertain terms to return that money to the company. i almost couldn't believe that a company this large and organized could have an error with such ridiculous repercussions. (you're wondering why i didn't even notice an increase that large, but the fact was that July was Nordstrom's huge anniversary sale, and i was anticipating a much larger than normal paycheck so i didn't think twice about it. that, and i don't really keep track of my personal finances)

my two options were to write Nordstrom a personal check for the full amount, or have the amount taken from my paychecks in increments as i saw fit. nevermind that i just moved into a new place and dropped over $500 on rent/deposit, and nevermind that i have to pay Shep my next installment next week (you don't want to know how much that is). my next three paychecks will be garnished, so i suppose i'll have to attempt to control my spending-- goodbye, new gray Frye boots! i was super nice about the situation because of course i want to be honest, but it's still sucky and annoying.

at least i still have a job.

finally!

2008-08-26T00:00:00.000-07:00

i am living in my adorable new house!

will post pictures sooner or later. once i stop being lazy and buy a new cord for my camera.

xoxo

the newlywed game

2008-08-21T21:17:00.001-07:00

(commercial for cameron diaz movie plays on tv)

Shanna: "Ugh. I'm tired of seeing Cameron Diaz in her underwear."

Austin: (quietly) "Not me."

Shanna: "Did Austin just say 'Not me'?"

Siara: "Um...yes."

Shanna: "Well, I hope you're tired of seeing me in my underwear then."

i should get used to this if i'm going to be a housewife

2008-08-21T19:28:00.000-07:00

so i had a pretty stressful day today.

miscommunication and some harsh words lead to issues/embarrassment with my class at the salon this morning, and i ended up in tears in the back room after finishing my first highlight (which turned out lovely, so there's the upside).

after class, i headed home to begin moving my stuff to the new house. i was feeling overwhelmed but a dear friend showed up to help me and made it much easier, and shanna and austin showed up later as well. i was glad just to finally be able to settle in someplace for (hopefully) more than 3 or 4 months.

it all went to hell after i somehow managed to lock myself out and my new keys wouldn't work! i ended up back at the old place. that was fine, i had some cleaning and a few things left to pack up but i was still stressed not being able to unpack.

as i filled up the sink to wash many, many dishes, i plunged my hands into the hot, soapy water and instantly burst into tears. i let my tears mingle with the suds, and thought about how scared i really am about moving in with strangers to a new house, a new neighborhood, a new ward.

well i'm heading back to the new place with the rest of my belongings. wish me luck.

there's no such thing as too much...

2008-08-17T01:16:00.000-07:00

...CUTE!!!!

Shanna and Austin were over this evening, Austin waiting to start our movie while Shanna and I giggled, ooooo-ed, and awwwww-ed over stuff that was nearly too adorable to handle without breathing into a paper bag.

I can't get enough of...

CUTE OVERLOAD
(leg stuck in a toilet paper roll? DOUBLE CUTE POINTS.)

MEMEBON (Japanese kitten internet sensation)

and Google image searches for various sources of cuteness like shiba inu puppies, persian kittens, and........Guy Pearce, current celebri-crush.

are.you.kidding.me.

the bone structure! the eyes! the talent! and of course the.......................................oh, excuse me, readers, i was gazing into my dream man's eyes up there and lost my train of thought. i dreamed Guy P. was drowning at a black tie event and i was the sole life guard on duty. he needs mouth-to-mouth, stat!

in unrelated news, i consumed nothing but junk food today and reminded myself why i don't normally eat junk food. i slightly redeemed myself in the evening with a healthy serving of edamame, but did little to counteract the devastating effects of my other food and beverage choices. say hello to my old friend, the dairy-induced stomachache! it proves difficult to sell a handbag when you're doubled over in self-inflicted pain.

and diet coke....WHY CAN'T I QUIT YOU?

it's much too late at night.

2008-08-13T03:39:00.000-07:00

tired. but not asleep. i torture myself with all my late nights, but i just have so much to do. i wanted to watch a meteor shower this evening but it was so very cloudy and i didn't know where to go.

No longer homeless! i found a house to live in. it's yellow and cute with a claw footed tub in the bathroom (my dream!). a lovely neighborhood where bike riding is ideal. still, i'm scared to move in with strangers. why must all my friends/my sister be married? i'm ready for a change of scenery.

plane ticket purchase! i'm going to north carolina in october with shanna and austin! i'm so terribly excited and i think it's just what i need. the next two months will fly by and then i'll have a little vacation with two of my very favorite persons.

a downside to this: i needed to change my plane ticket to avoid waiting at the airport for 7 hours for shanna and austin to arrive. delta is a wretched organization bent on making sure nobody ever wants to fly with them again. they would NOT change my ticket (for less than $150). they would NOT refund my money (because it had been 36 hours and they only refund up to 24 hours after purchase). instead of cooperating with me, changing my ticket, making me happy, and assuring my return to delta for my next trip, they lost a customer. they were rude from the start, kept me on hold for a ridiculous amount of time, denied me any alternatives or options for my predicament, mumbled incoherently, and most importantly, made me NEVER want to buy a plane ticket with them again. i'm going to call again tomorrow and see if i can speak with a male delta representative who responds well to flirtatious females over the phone.

working at nordstrom has made me despise all other companies and their inability to provide customer service.

my inner geek: EXPOSED

2008-07-20T22:48:00.000-07:00

So...I have a confession to make. I have been obsessively reading zombie comic books for the last two months or so.

zombie. comic. books.

i just finished volume 7 of The Walking Dead series and it is AWESOME. my affinity for zombie films was a natural gateway drug into the world of geekdom i now inhabit.

i'm coming to realize that although i was initially ashamed of my zombie loving ways, it's something i can talk about with boys. as shallow as that may seem, it's really the only thing i have in common with the opposite sex (because i hate sports and raunchy movies). i've come to find through vast experience that boys do not enjoy conversations about fashion, makeup, hair, hair removal, clothes, shoes, food network, celebrity gossip, or "lady business"--the only other things I know anything about.

tofu, the other white meat.

2008-07-20T12:37:00.000-07:00

about two months ago i decided to finally make a firm decision to stop eating meat. i have long felt that american culture fosters an unhealthy lifestyle, partly due to the consumption of meat in enormous quantities (to me, that means every day or multiple meals a day). back in the day, animals were consumed as a matter of necessity during seasons when fruits, vegetables, and grains were not readily available. modern society allows us the luxury of year-round access to any food we could hope for. we have the power to make the choice of what we eat.

a lot of people think vegetarians/vegans are "crazy," but i have to say i think it's far more ridiculous to have no concern whatsoever for what goes into your body. so far i feel better, and i feel more conscious and responsible about what i'm eating. in response to some of the many shocked responses as to my lifestyle choices, here's the quick breakdown.

Why I don't eat meat:

1: Health. Meat is not necessary for a healthy diet, and with the overprocessed, hormone-pumped meat in the U.S., it's likely doing more harm than good. We have enough access to other food sources year-round that we don't need meat anyway. it's a myth that vegetarianism leads to protein deficiency, and most people actually get MORE than enough protein in their daily diets. nuts, beans, lentils, soy products and many other sources provide healthier forms of protein.

2: I love animals. While I don't think it's morally wrong to eat animals (when it's a necessity), the way modern society raises and butchers animals for food disgusts me. If we ate meat in small quantities as was intended, the terrible treatment of animals would be unnecessary and animals could live happily and freely on well-kept farms instead of being tortured. Also, i feel humans have been given a responsibility to care for everything on the earth, and i want to take that more seriously. it's incredibly pretentious to assume that because we have the ability to exercise dominion over animals that we have the right to treat other living things however we want.

3: Religious reasons. Mormon doctrine states very clearly the use of animals by man in Doctrine and Covenants section 89 (aka The Word of Wisdom).

"Yea, ^aflesh also of ^bbeasts and of the fowls of the air, I, the Lord, have ordained for the use of man with thanksgiving; nevertheless they are to be used ^csparingly; And it is pleasing unto me that they should not be ^aused, only in times of winter, or of cold, or ^bfamine."

the end.

stuck inside of provo with the memphis blues again

2008-07-16T01:10:00.000-07:00

I bought tickets to see Bob Dylan play next month.

It's an outdoor concert in Park City so it's going to be amaaaaaaaazing.

Also, I've had several people blaspheming that they don't like Bob Dylan or think he 'sucks.' What? Seriously? Even if you don't care for his music you have no justification saying anything negative about his musical talent. He is the most prolific song-writer of this or any other generation. Followed closely by Ms. Britney Spears, in my humble opinion.

In honor of Bob (and as an educational tool for the aforementioned naysayers), I will be creating a mix of his songs I enjoy most. Oh, Bob, where do I even begin?

this blog is a joke.

2008-07-13T14:01:00.001-07:00

I really don't have time for blogging, or at least I haven't been making time. And when I logged in and saw my last post was on May 21st, I realized that blogging is not the kind of endeavor to which I can devote any sort of real effort. Oh well.

That being said, nothing new is really going on my life anyway. I'm working like crazy at Nordstrom (especially with the upcoming sale), and spending the rest of my time at the salon. Things are definitely progressing with my education, and this last Thursday I had 3 clients! Yay! I have a few people who come in regularly for a shampoo/blowdry, and I've now done quite a few color clients as well. It's a frustrating process trying to learn such an involved skill, but the results have been really satisfying thus far. I also have the chance to work with amazing people--in terms of both skillz/talent as well as FUN. The fun factor is extremely important.

In other news, my dating life is disastrous, and I'm going to be homeless in a mere matter of weeks. I also forced someone very dear to me to admit that I have put on some weight lately. And I have. I stayed in bed most of the day today just because I didn't feel like getting up and doing anything. I also ate a whole pizza the other day. In bed. Oh, you could say I'm in a rut of sorts. It's embarrassing, really.

Believe me, I don't want to be alone, chubby, and living out of my car any more than the next person, but things seem to be heading in that direction and I am determined to bring the train wreck that is my life to an abrupt halt. Stay tuned for details. I have serious plans. Starting with going to the gym right now.

all work, no play

2008-05-21T21:12:00.000-07:00

Today was the first day of the Half Yearly Sale at Nordstrom, and instead of being excited for all the sales I was just in a bad mood. I think I'm starting to feel a little burned out with all my 12 hour days between the salon and my job at Nordstrom. I love being at the salon, and I love my job, but it's just starting to get me down a little lately. I'm lucky if I have 2 hours at night when I get home to do what I need to do, and I'm just so exhausted that I can hardly do anything but sit down and try to clear my mind before I go to sleep. And I keep getting these headaches that I'm fairly certain are stress-related. Don't get me wrong, I love my life right now, but now and then a girl needs some serious play time.

I have a Saturday off work in two weeks (for the first time EVER), and I would normally use that opportunity to do a 9 hour day at the salon, but I think for my sanity and well-being I'm going to make that my "vacation." I need something to look forward to!

i know where the summer goes

2008-05-19T10:05:00.000-07:00

Signs that it's summertime:

1. Cut-offs are pulled from the back of my closet and I resume dressing like a 9-year-old boy
2. BBQ's!
3. My bicycle is taken on late-night, leisurely rides in short sleeves
4. Long drives up the canyon
5. Girls dress like hookers (note: tube tops are not only NOT in style, they look wretched on everybody)
6. I start to remember why I hate my car (no A/C, are you kidding me?)
7. BYU couples line the streets and expose innocent bystanders to their PDA
8. Ella Good shaved ice opens-- awesome name AND awesome snow cones!

back in business

2008-05-07T01:34:00.000-07:00

So, my fair readers (which are few and far between), I apologize deeply for my recent hiatus from the world wide web. in fact, i've been living in an internet/tv free environment for some 2 months now, which has been rather refreshing.

don't even bother asking me about recent celeb gossip, however, because i am TOTALLY OUT OF THE LOOP.

I moved (AGAIN) back to Provo after a brief stint in Orem. I couldn't be more overjoyed that my relocation coincides most perfectly with the recent change in weather. Orem lacks the quiet, tree-lined streets of Provo that are home to my most memorable beach-cruising adventures.

In other news, i cut my first haircut last week. my sister was an absolute gem, sitting for nearly 3 hours while i struggled through with shaky scissors. it turned out well though! i have a remarkable feeling of accomplishment and renewed confidence in my skillz. please call me if you need your hair done!

rest assured you won't receive anything as bad as the JcPenney Salon special i got somewhere around age 12. it was horrifyingly identical to Mrs. Carol Brady (i'm not saying she isn't mega hot!)

My mom cut the mullet portion off the back the moment we got home. disastrous. however, the perfect foreshadowing of the impending emotional bloodbath that was to be my middle school years.

craziness

2008-03-17T20:59:00.000-07:00

I'm starting my apprenticeship tomorrow! I couldn't be more excited.

That is all.

save the drama for your mama

2008-03-06T12:38:00.000-08:00

My life the last few days has been inundated with serious girl drama. And I hate it.

If you are an immature, gossipy, mean, ignorant, or otherwise ridiculous girl please stay as far away from me as possible. I seriously can't handle the insanity of females who have nothing better to do than revel in the narcissistic, self-absorbed world they've created for themselves.

realizing the extent of my celebrity

2008-03-05T23:32:00.000-08:00

I was an intern at the Springville Art Museum my senior year at BYU. They had me working on a bunch of little projects, though I never knew the end result of many of them.

Strangely enough, today I found an article I wrote that was published in the Daily Herald about a month after my internship was finished. I'm an author (sort of)! It's probably super boring to 99% of people, but humor me and read it.

There's more to say about my day, but I'm really very tired and I have a stupid meeting for work at 8 in the morning. Blah.

I must quickly tell the tale of my girl date with Anita this morning. We had breakfast and went shopping in Salt Lake. She introduced me to a fabulous little cafe called Finn's. Super cute, really good breakfast. It's always a breath of fresh air to leave the valley, even if it's for just a few hours.

belated posting...the day of saint valentine!

2008-03-04T21:53:00.000-08:00

This Valentine's Day was lovely, and I never wrote about it though it is a most worthy topic.

Firstly, I was surprised upon arriving at work with a B E A U T I F U L and non-cheesy bouquet of flowers. Every time I went into the stock room I got to look at them and feel really special.

Patrick and I had planned on doing something but we didn't make reservations or make a huge deal of it, which ended up being wonderful. I made him a card and got him a little chocolate heart, and for dinner we went to Diego's Taco Shop (which, by the way, is great cheap mexican food). See how low maintenance I am?

Custom made! I went all out.

I used all my best crafting tools for this Valentine.

Never forget the extra hot salsa.

Please note the classy decor at the new Diego's location. New look, same great taste.

luck be a lady

2008-03-02T23:44:00.000-08:00

At Nordstrom we have an 'employee snack bar' where you can drop fifty cents into a canister and take your pick of delightful snacks.

Yesterday I helped myself to a snack-size Cracker Jack. I knew my week was going to be awesome when I found not one but TWO prizes inside. I was so excited I took photos.

oh, provorem how do i love thee?

2008-02-28T01:08:00.000-08:00

I had a really good day today for no real reason. First and foremost, THE SNOW HAS MELTED and, consequently, my cold and unfeeling heart. This is temporary, I know, but I finally remembered today that I don't actually live at the North Pole like I thought.

At work, I had a training class which ended up being a lot of fun and I met some new people which is always good for me. I had my makeup done by my cute friend Anita who works at MAC (thus restoring my faith in the brand after a long hiatus), and bought all kinds of fun new makeup items including the perfect red lipstick. Never underestimate the power of the perfect red lipstick. Feeling sassy after my mini makeover, Patrick and I went to dinner and had even more fun, followed up by EVEN MORE FUN at the gym and then watching TV whilst enjoying a most delightful and juicy orange and wearing one of his old sweaters. I love the way my hands smell after eating an orange. I love the feeling of wearing something that belongs to someone you care about. Typical day perhaps, but I adore days when ordinary things bring me such joy.

The one thing that sort of bothered me today was seeing someone who I barely know but know too much about. It makes me feel bad about myself when I dislike someone or have an opinion of them that probably isn't true, but I can't shake it from my mind and I'll probably never have the chance to actually know the person and dispel the myth. Ahhh! There are also those people who remind you of things you'd just rather not think about.

But...that small reminder of the past made me feel even more gratitude for where I am today.

rambling woman

2008-02-16T00:47:00.001-08:00

i'm exhausted here, so let's keep this short and sweet. my sleep-deprived state made me act a fool today at work. i'm getting old (as I'm constantly reminded, working with 18 year olds), and heaven knows I can't function in society without 8 full hours of shut-eye and my Super PoliGrip.

so, in an effort to avoid sounding pessimistic and hopeless, i've also avoided providing real insight into my life via my blog. there must be some sort of happy medium between the frustrated rants of my early blogging career and posts about stuff. i'll work on that.

AFTER the many, many hours i intend to sleep starting......now.

King of California

2008-02-10T20:20:00.001-08:00

Patrick and I rented a movie on a whim yesterday evening called King of California. It's by the makers of the acclaimed film Sideways, which I've never even seen. But if you HAVE seen it, maybe it will lend me some credibility.

So, the basic plot is Miranda (Evan Rachel Wood, Across the Universe) has been living on her own in California for two years while her father is institutionalized. She's now 16, dropped out of school and working at McDonald's to pay the bills when her dad Charlie (Michael Douglas) is released from the mental hospital. He tries to convince his daughter that there is Spanish treasure buried under the local Costco.

This is one of those movies that has the perfect balance of tragedy and comedy, with fabulous performances delivered by Douglas and Wood. Just see it.

And can I just say, Evan Rachel Wood is beautiful?

i told you i love cats

2008-02-04T18:41:00.000-08:00

Cat Power has been the soundtrack to my life the last little while. It's the only music that seems to fit my mood.

The recently released Jukebox is frontwoman Chan Marshall's eighth record, and although it's not my favorite of her work it still has that soulful, slightly depressing Cat Power-ness that brings joy to my soul. If you're like me, a cover album is an instant turn-off. But, for my dear Chan-Chan, I was willing to give it a shot.

ALSO...Chan Marshall is making her film debut in My Blueberry Nights. It's not released in the US until April, but with Jude Law as the lead, I shall be clearing my calendar well in advance.

I know he's a dirtbag, but he's just so PRETTY.

pictorial appetite suppressant

2008-02-02T23:59:00.000-08:00

i ate brussels sprouts for the first time in my life today.

my stomach ache still hasn't gone away. i don't think it's worth all the nutritional benefits.

i guess i'll have to find some other encouragement for getting my daily dose of vegetables...

Richard Simmons, I thank you. your bikini brief tan line and cleverly covered naughty bits have given me true inspiration. there's so much more to vegetables than mere sustenance.

hot hot heat

2008-01-27T18:00:00.000-08:00

when you reside in a state where you need to use a kitchen broom just to get the avalanche of snow off your car in the morning AND your residence is a cold basement apartment without its own thermostat, you adapt to your habitat not unlike our ancient progenitors the cavemen.

except instead of inventing fire, you go to your local Target and buy an electric Warm Fusion space heater. and you run it. all day. every day. until spring comes. i'm cold most of the time anyway (i kept a space heater under my desk at work...IN JULY), but the combination of coldness-inducing factors in my current living situation have made life nearly unbearable--if it weren't for our dear Warm Fusion. many thanks to Shanna for this fine purchase and her selfless sharing of its glowing warmth.

warning: this space heater is a powerful machine. don't have it on while simultaneously blowdrying your hair, or you'll suffer the indignity of going to work with a damp coiffure because you blew all the fuses.

let them eat PIE!

2008-01-20T23:28:00.000-08:00

As much as I love being a feminist, I must admit my love of all things domestic. Nothing brings me more joy than baking on a Sunday afternoon with a little apron over my church dress.

(That being said, I will also take this moment to condemn the evil practice which I have named 'domestic prostitution'- a practice that has plagued BYU students since the Creamery on 9th began. It's rather self-explanatory: females using their baked goods as a sort of mating call, distracting males with the aroma of cookies and cupcakes rather than wooing them with intellect and wit like a REAL woman ought.)

I spent my day after church baking up some key lime pies for Guru's, a local Provo hot spot. After resigning from my waitressing position there soon after graduation, I have continued to provide them with my home-baked delights. Please support me by stopping by for a slice.

meow.

2008-01-16T21:54:00.000-08:00

I want a kitten.

As I once told a dear friend of mine, "I tried to hate cats because everyone else does, but I just CAN'T."

You may consider yourself to be one of these naysaying 'dog lovers,' but just take stroll over to this website (or this one), and try and tell me your heart doesn't instantly melt into a puddle of pure, unadulterated, kitten-loving goo.

Also see this hilarious site. Example:

do you have an incident?

2008-01-15T22:01:00.000-08:00

I am completing the final steps in the painful process of becoming an 'adult' in the 'real world.' After graduating college last April, my parents cut the apron strings but I managed to stay on the family cell phone plan and car insurance. Over Christmas I got my own phone plan, and now I am trying to figure out this car insurance business.

Perhaps this could warrant an entire entry by itself, but I had a pretty bad car accident back in August. It was my fault, naturally, since my life was ALREADY in shambles at that point and I just needed one more thing to make me give up entirely. Without all the depressing details, there were over $7,000 in damages to my car, not to mention the car of the lady who hit me. I had some pretty bad burns from the airbag, and a newfound fear of yielding on a left turn. Total nightmare.

(AND...the week after I got my car back from the repair shop, a frighteningly old woman backed into me in the Costco parking lot.)

The only thing worse than going through the hell that is a car wreck is dealing with the humiliating aftermath forcing you to relive the whole ordeal as you obtain car insurance quotes (as if traffic school wasn't punishment enough).

"Do you have an incident?" they ask me.

Yes, yes I do.

I'm just a gangsta'

2008-01-11T18:43:00.000-08:00

For Christmas, I got a yellow coat that I am absolutely in love with. My sister's fiance told me last night that I looked like Dick Tracy in it. I couldn't help but wonder today if people were thinking, "HAHA THAT GIRL LOOKS LIKE DICK TRACY! ESPECIALLY WITH THAT SHORT HAIR!"

How could someone who has, in the all-too-recent past, worn Carhartt overalls WITHOUT A SHIRT make me feel this self-conscious?

childhood nostalgia

2007-12-27T15:31:00.000-08:00

Being the second of eight children in my family, I have seen a remarkable difference in the way I spent my childhood and the way my younger siblings live. Not only because my parents are much more stable financially, but also because the world has so quickly been overrun by technological advances and conveniences.

My little siblings have cell phones, iPods, video games, the internet, and a million other pre-packaged, pre-recorded, pre-made forms of entertainment. It's sad, really.

My fondest childhood memories revolve around the imaginative world I created for myself. Hour upon hour spent with my older brother and younger sister digging in the dirt and ruining my underclothes at an empty lot next to our house, mysteriously dubbed "The Cracking Spot." Exploring the woods across the street my mother forbid me to cross. My miniature easel, my favorite toy of all, which put my imagination on paper. Berry picking, books, rock collections, climbing every fence and tree that stood in my way. Childhood is defined by dirt on the knees of your britches and pockets stuffed full of newfound treasures.

In light of such lovely childhood memories, I asked for a book for Christmas called The Daring Book for Girls. This adorable book boasts page after page of classic childhood activities--from knot-tying to cartwheels to jumprope rhymes and everything in between. A trip down memory lane, indeed.

i'm so excited!! i'm so....scared.

2007-12-15T10:31:00.000-08:00

i haven't had access to television for several months, probably much to my benefit.

we just got cable set up in our new house two days ago, and i can already feel my life slipping slowly away from me. which i'm fine with. but there's something nostalgic about getting up on saturday morning to eat cold cereal and watch Saved by the Bell in my pajamas.

ESPECIALLY when it's my all-time favorite episode.

Jessie Spano is feeling the pressure of trying to balance school, college applications, friends, Slater, and her up and coming singing group, Hot Sundae. Fearing a failing grade on her geometry midterm that will keep her from her dreams of Stanford, Jessie turns to caffeine pills to make time for studying. Though the pills give her the energy she needs to cram through the night and rehearse with Hot Sundae by day, things take a turn for the worse when she crashes the night of her group's big performance for the record label reps at The Max.

When Zack discovers Jessie sleeping just hours before the gig, he realizes Slater's concerns were true. Jessie has a problem. With the loving support of the whole crew, Jessie realizes she doesn't always have to be the best at everything.

barf.

2007-12-14T22:46:00.001-08:00

My Dear Readers (assuming someone reads this):

i must apologize for the continuous string of rants i've been posting. i don't want to misrepresent my life, because frankly, i'm happier right now than i've been in a long, long time. i've made a lot of big decisions the last little while to make that happiness a possibility, so i'm really grateful for that. and also, my loyal readers, i owe you my honesty.

HOWEVER

allow me one last commentary on a rather negative experience. you can even ignore it and it won't hurt my feelings a bit, because i know i'm beginning to sound like a broken record. fear not, i will soon bless you with posts about rainbows and kittens. but in the meantime...

boys are horrid creatures. i say boys very deliberately, because i don't believe the word 'men' can be of much use in such situations as this. i am so unbelievably weary of guys my age (and older) who lack the communication skills or honesty or maturity to act properly in dating. these boys can't seem to grasp the concept that honesty is almost universally the solution to any issue.

you like me and want to see me again? so call me and say that.

you don't like me and never want to see me again? so...CALL ME AND SAY THAT.

you thought you liked me, and maybe even touched my leg or (GASP!) kissed me, but now you don't like me and never want to see me again? SO? PICK UP YOUR PHONE AND INFORM ME OF YOUR DECISION!

without fail, every single dating situation i've been in that has gone sour (and there are more than i care to remember), the root of the problem was always a lack of forthrightness. just say it. whatever it is cannot be anywhere near as bad as just pretending nothing ever happened.

Boys vastly overestimate how much girls really care about them. Even if i like you after a couple of dates, it doesn't mean i'm imagining us in front of the temple or coming home from the hospital after the birth of our beautiful baby boy who looks just like his daddy. in fact, i almost NEVER think about babies.

At least not since all the hubbub surrounding the birth of baby Suri died down.

you are what you love, not what loves you

2007-12-10T18:02:00.001-08:00

Lately, when driving in my car, I won't have music or anything playing. It's been good in helping me to organize my thoughts and figure out solutions to things that are on my mind. That is, when I can think about anything aside from the idiotic people swerving out into my lane or running red lights trying to kill me. This is Utah, after all, and I don't care if it's a 'stereotype,' people here can't drive.

Anyway, I was driving home in solitude from some errands this afternoon, and I came to a realization.

I will not settle for anything less than the deepest, most passionate, most overwhelming love. I've been spending time with a few different guys lately, and some of these situations have had many positives but overall, disappointment.

My dating history is a treacherous road littered with such stories--short-lived relationships with guys who I don't feel very strongly about, despite the positives. I have to believe that there is the possibility of a love that is worth all the heartache I've had over the years. The capacity I possess for feelings so deep they cause me indescribable pain must have another side--the capacity for feelings so deep they bring me indescribable joy.

relocation

2007-12-10T17:40:00.000-08:00

I am now an official resident of Orem, Utah. Adieu, my dear Provo.

Although only minutes away from Provo, I felt a bit of anxiety about leaving the town I have called home for the last 4 years. Shanna and I looked all over for a place, and the only one we felt okay about was this house in Orem. It was incredibly stressful last week--not only with the move, but I also started my new job at Nordstrom and my parents were in town again this weekend. Contrastingly to other stressful/busy times in my life, the last week has been really, really good. I feel happy and contented. I am ecstatic about living with my sister, I like my new job, and it's been amazing spending time with my family the last little while. Sleeping on an air mattress and having to dig my belongings out of cardboard boxes hasn't even been able to shake my happy mood.

Not to mention...I'm so close to everywhere I need to go! Target? Mere minutes away. The mall, my new place of employment? Just down the street. Best thai food in the valley? I'll have you there in ten minutes. Riverwoods, you ask? Please, it's almost too convenient.

It's strange how being just a little ways away from Provo has helped me clear my mind and get away from some of the stresses and anxieties and insecurities I've been experiencing, especially since I finished school. Graduating was as far as I had planned. I didn't know what to do next, and I felt confused and lost. I've been lucky enough to discover some new goals. I have a lot I want to work toward right now in my life, and I'm going to focus on the positivity of those goals and the fulfillment I get from them.

living in a material world

2007-12-04T23:31:00.000-08:00

I feel much better today.

I was having anxiety over starting my new job, but it went really well today. I had fun and I didn't suck at it. And I only screwed up a few things. And none of those screw-ups involved fire, police or other emergency vehicles, or me falling down in some embarrassing manner in front of large groups of people. Which for me marks a real success.

Tomorrow I'm moving to my new house! Excitement! I could care less about the actual living conditions, I'm just ecstatic to be living with my darling sister. FINALLY. After 3 years in the same town we are reunited under one roof. I hope she reads this so she knows how amazing she is and how much I love her. Because seriously, I couldn't dream up a better woman to have as sister/friend/confidant/partner in crime. Love her to death, forever and ever.

So, after one day of work there is one thing I REALLY want and don't need at all (cue Madonna's Material Girl):

I already have one Hobo brand wallet *j'adore* with all my heart and soul, but if one brings me such joy, imagine my life with TWO? Money actually can buy happiness, and this age-old adage is even more true with a 20% discount.

i blame it on the snow

2007-12-04T00:33:00.000-08:00

i am feeling so unsettled today. unnerved. restless. upset. frustrated. i don't even know what it is. but i don't like it and i don't know how to go about stopping it.

stressed about my new job, my new house, my new career/life plan, my new crush(es), and all the other old, leftover stressy stuff that still hasn't gone away despite my best efforts. stressed so i can't sleep and it makes me even more stressed. nothing but stress the last week or so. it hurts.

and it doesn't help that I HATE THIS WEATHER. show me a presidential candidate who is PRO GLOBAL WARMING and i will vote for them. snow must be stopped. it is compromising both my happiness and sanity. and i'm just that selfish.

diet coke can't be the only thing in the world right now that makes me feel normal. i'm going to quit.

after i finish the 12 pack downstairs, of course.

Googles, Blogs, and Boys, OH MY!

2007-12-01T23:07:00.000-08:00

I googled my name as I was hoping something else might come up aside from the Phi Eta Sigma (?) award I apparently got my freshman year of college but don't remember. Time to revise that old resume! My guidance counselor told me employers really love to see freshman academic honor roll on paper, so it should put me ahead of the competition. Thank you, Google!

And Lucky me! I also discovered someone had actually mentioned me in their blog, albeit nearly a year ago. Boy, were my ears red!

Perhaps I should find this little shout-out by one of Provo's finest indie rocking all-stars Scott Larson somewhat offensive and/or hurtful, but thankfully I'm an adult. And thankfully it's not news to me that Gifford's frequent phone calls were performed with the sole purpose of mocking me.

Guys! No more prank calls, okay?
Can't we all be awkward friends again like the old days?

be still, my soul

2007-11-30T23:25:00.000-08:00

i remember the many holidays my favorite cousin Ashley would visit us and how utterly happy i was to have ANOTHER amazing playmate in addition to my sister. if two people and their Barbies can equal endless hours of insane fun, imagine the possibilities of THREE? how lucky was i? not to mention Ashley had new, exciting Barbies to add to the mix. one time in particular i remember building a massive fort using every blanket we could conjure up from the four corners of the house and holing up in there all day long with our precious dolls. nothing could compare to those times.

childhood was so simple, so full of joy.

whenever I think of my beautiful cousin Ashley, taken from this earth far too soon, I will think of the simplicity and joy of childhood.

i so often find myself feeling jaded, misunderstood, and cynical. i am disillusioned with the imperfect world we live in, and i have grown up to see the sorrow and negativity that seems to overshadow everything. i've been reminded lately that these things are everywhere, but it's even more true that the simplicity and joy i felt as a child still exist in this imperfect world.

this world is beautiful. love is beautiful. life is worth living, and not just existing or getting by. i'm talking about really, truly living. Ashley figured these things out sooner than most people, and the way she lived her life is helping so many others to understand.

what good is this life if we do not seek out those things which we feel passionately about and pursue them relentlessly? what good is this life if we do not form and nurture relationships with meaning and depth, despite differences and difficulties? every single person who comes to this earth has the chance to discover truth amid a barrage of deception.

Keats wrote, "Beauty is truth, truth beauty. That is all ye know on Earth, and all ye need to know."

Thank you, Ashley, for the truth you helped me find by living a beautiful life. I love you, and I'll see you soon.

information overload

2007-11-18T23:27:00.000-08:00

the very same technological advances that allow these words to be written are my worst enemies today. the cause of severe emotional distress and many unwanted tears.

i despise that i can access information about people who i would rather just forget even existed. i thought my problems were over when there were finally many hundreds of miles separating me from my past, it would be easier if my past did not perpetuate for eternity in cyberspace.

blah. maybe i will renounce modernity for a while. i need to quit looking at celebrity gossip blogs, anyway.

the opposite of misogyny

2007-11-16T23:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, albeit rarely as of late, I cannot STAND men. Or a single man, and I choose to blame it on his being a man. This evening, events transpired that propelled me into one of these moments (or several hours, really). One of them will say something and all I can think is, "WTF?"

First of all, the female is a delicate creature.

And by delicate, I mean like unto the delicacy of a highly volatile chemical weapon. You (the male) can say or do something that will bring destruction--to you, your ego, your evening, your feelings of self-worth, your car, whatever--suddenly and without warning. DESTRUCTION, I tell you!

WHY must I attempt to explain why I'm upset? Clearly, I'm upset because of XYZ that you said/did and can't you just apologize to me with some semblance of sincerity so the earth can continue to rotate on its axis and I can resume my status as a normal human being again instead of being the psychotic and irrational she-creature from the deep abyss?! PLEASE!!! Try to understand (or at the very least, pretend to understand) that I have tendencies that may appear to border on mental illness, but once you overlook those minor "issues", you'll realize it's totally worth all the emotional distress and verbal abuse you've been suffering.

Because I'm cute.

pardon me while i wax poetic

2007-11-15T16:51:00.000-08:00

I had a friend inform me that he thought all of Emily Dickinson's poems sounded the same.

I disagree.

Emily moves me.

Perhaps this adoration has something to do with how much Emily and I have in common. I mean, she did spend her entire life locked away in her room as a lonely spinster, writing about love and truth and beauty in secret. Judging from the photo below, I hope my chances of avoiding a similar fate are at least slightly better than hers.

Truth be told, I'm about as ignorant as they come in regard to poetry, but I do enjoy it and was recommended a great compilation called Six American Poets: An Anthology. It's a not-so-intimidating introduction to the beautiful world of poetry with a superstar lineup of Walt Whitman, Emily Dickinson, Wallace Stevens, William Carlos Williams, Robert Frost, and Langston Hughes.

You think you don't like poetry, but you're wrong.

#449

I died for Beauty--but was scarce
Adjusted in the Tomb
When One who died for Truth, was lain
In an adjoining Room--

He questioned softly, "Why I failed"?
"For Beauty," I replied--
And I--for Truth--Themself are One--
We Brethren, are", He said--

And so, as Kinsmen, met a Night--
We talked between the Rooms--
Until the Moss had reached our lips--
And covered up-- our names--

something to blog about

2007-11-14T15:55:00.000-08:00

i'm dreadfully boring as of late.

unemployment

2007-11-07T00:05:00.000-08:00

i called my mom yesterday on a whim mid-afternoon.

my dad had just found out he lost his job.

understand my father has worked at the same company for 22 years, working his way up the proverbial 'corporate ladder' to president and CEO. he is an extremely intelligent and innovative businessman who is still young and nowhere near retirement. he was intelligent enough to know (starting nearly a year ago) that there was a strong possibility he would be fired. it's interesting because of course he will get an entire year's salary as severance, including benefits, so nobody in my family is really concerned about the money.

i just feel so sad for my daddy. he cares about the business and is so invested in it and these German big-wigs who bought out the company a few years ago think they own the place. well...they do own the place...which is why they can do whatever they want. but! they are stupid to fire my dad, especially because they aren't even replacing him. apparently these Germans think they can operate a huge portion of their manufacturing operations (where my dad has been managing) with some kind of long distance management. Good luck, SUCKERS! This is going to end up just like WWII!!!! GO USA!!!!!

anyway, of course i am probably far more upset about it than my father is. he is so practical. i am so emotional. and he knows that he can very easily get another job (he has often received job offers over the last several years without even looking). i just hate the idea that my family might have to move when we have been in the same little town for so many years. even though the financial aspect of this situation isn't problematic, it still puts a rift in our family when we have unknowingly become attached to this extreme sense of security and longevity that came from my father's job. it's always been there.

it's an interesting contrast between my father losing his job and me quitting my job. he is much better off than me even though i made a conscious decision to become unemployed.

i'm so young and so very foolish.

Au Revoir.

2007-11-05T00:54:00.000-08:00

I could not be happier about abruptly quitting my job this weekend. It's late, I'm awake, and I no longer have that dreadful, foreboding feeling that going to sleep means waking up and enduring another day in constant fear of the wrath of my wretched employer. I just left a letter of resignation with my keys in my boss's office on Friday (and so did another girl I've been work ing with). Didn't talk to them, didn't give notice. I'm just not showing up tomorrow. Normally, I would never do something that irresponsible, but under the circumstances I can assure you it was the only viable option.

Lovely.

regina is for lovers

2007-11-02T22:43:00.000-07:00

I already had a pretty intense girl crush on Regina Spektor prior to seeing her play live, but after her show last night it's so much more. I daresay, even giving my 6th grade love of Leonardo DiCaprio a run for its money.

Honestly, I thought if I invited Leo to my birthday party he would come (he just didn't get the invitation, okay?!). That's when you know you've taken things too far--you truly believe that if he could just MEET YOU everything would fall into place, he would realize how FOOLISH he's been dating all those gorgeous movie stars, and you'd be MADLY in love with each other forever and ever. Perfect, wonderful Leo could overlook the fact that you're 13 years old and a "late bloomer" with braces.

That was a dark, dark period of my life.

Back to Ms. Spektor, my sister and I kept looking at each other through the show with this look like "Um...yeah, she is absolutely incredible." Even Regina got offended by the dull roar of idiotic teeny boppers giggling and taking pictures of themselves. After one kind request for everyone to please be quiet, she stopped midsong and said "No, seriously, shut the f*$# up." Amazing. Few people can say that and still be more adorable than should be humanly possible.

I won't even go into how impressive her music is, because if you haven't listened to her you should, and if you have, you already know exactly how I feel.

This One's For the Ladies

2007-10-31T08:03:00.000-07:00

I have been a dedicated user of MAC makeup products (almost exclusively) for the last 5 years or so. Their products are fun, less expensive than other department store brands, and above all else, ADDICTIVE.

Lately, however, the ivory pedestal on which MAC resides has been rapidly crumbling . The girls working at the counter are lame, don't know the products, and pretend you aren't even there, even when you're blatently waiting for help. One day I just needed to pick up some mascara, but I was ignored for so long that I just went over to Clinique instead. TAKE THAT, MAC GIRLS!

I was lucky enough a couple months ago to get several hundred dollars worth of free makeup from Smashbox. A nameless gentleman I was 'seeing' has a brother in LA who works at their headquarters and sends whatever he asks for. If you haven't tried this brand, it's probably because you live in Provo. But trust me, you'll love it.

After becoming addicted to their Backdrop Cooling Tint (the most incredible tinted moisturizer of all time), I went online to order more since the aforementioned gentleman is no longer trying to woo me with free goods. Much to my delight and amazement, not only do you get a free sample of your choosing but you also get FREE SHIPPING. Even if you only order one item like I did. And it came in TWO DAYS. In addition to the tint, I also really love their brow kit, lip gloss, and Artificial Light (a highlighting, multi-use lotion). By the way, they also sell sets of Smashbox products at Costco for insanely cheap prices.

Ladies, if you have become an empty, disillusioned shell of your former makeup self because of the abuse you've suffered at the hands of the MAC girls, follow my advice and let Smashbox take you under their wing.

11 Reasons to Leave Provo (as if you need them)

2007-10-30T17:34:00.000-07:00

I try my darnedest to keep up on what's going on in the 'art world' so that despite being graduated I don't become completely ignorant of new research, art news, exhibits, and so on.

In the spirit of my self-education, the other day I came across this article, which shows 11 amazing art exhibits on display this season. My hope is that even though I am stuck in Utah, my comrades who lead more adventurous lives will allow me to live vicariously through them. By all means, if you are anywhere near these exhibits they would be entirely worth your while. 

The highlights, in my opinion: The Baltimore Museum displays Matisse's 3-D works (a rare delight, indeed), Ghiberti's astounding bronze masterpiece The Gates of Paradise at the Met, and at the LA County Museum, an interesting look at Dali's collaboration with some big-shot Hollywood film directors.

Pimp My Eco-Friendly Ride

2007-10-29T16:57:00.000-07:00

I first stormed the streets of Provo back in 2005 when my darling mother purchased me an Electra Vintage Deluxe cruiser from Bingham Cyclery for my 20th birthday. Naturally, I needed the perfect wicker basket to tote school books and small animals, but I scoured the valley to no avail. Finally, I came across this website which sells lovely baskets in small and large sizes. I opted for the large, which was just about big enough to hold my Manhattan Portage messenger bag. Bonus: the prices are extremely reasonable.

Today whilst browsing the nytimes.com I came across another bicycle basket that I thought was absolutely adorable, made by a company called Design House Stockholm. It comes in green (shown below), white, and black. At $55, you may think it's a little pricey for a trivial accessory. But hey, it's fun and functional.

If you're going to go green, why not do it in style?

bad blogger

2007-10-28T12:04:00.000-07:00

no real news. just E! quality snippets of my life. everyone prefers dirty celeb gossip over "real" news, anyway.

the new plan: beauty school. i'm going to be a hair stylist. i don't know how i'm going to afford it but there it is.

career opportunites (like the john hughes film)

2007-09-29T10:01:00.000-07:00

The week flew by. I had a job interview with an interior design company in Salt Lake. I'm not sure how I feel about commuting to work, but I really can't handle my boss anymore. It's just too ridiculous and it's hard to even describe how ridiculous unless you meet her. Pretty much everyone at my company is looking for a new job. BUT...regardless of my present circumstances I am trying to get this job because I think I would be good at and therefore have the possibility of enjoying it. Now that is something I have yet to experience in my life. Actually enjoying a job? What? I liked waitressing, but of course that wasn't much of a career and didn't really use any of my real skills. The other jobs I've had I prefer not to even think about anymore. But anyway, I actually enjoy the prospect of working in Salt Lake. ProvOrem is beginning to suffocate me, slowly but surely. Not that I think I'm so refined, but the lack of culture and diversity upsets me at times. I would actually love to move up there if it came down to it.

I've already decided that even if this opportunity doesn't work out, I am still going to keep looking for a different job. I have had to go through the painstaking drudgery of ridding my life of toxic friends and acquaintances, so I've been realizing that spending eight hours a day with someone like that is just as detrimental.

autumnal bliss

2007-09-24T20:13:00.000-07:00

As I turned on the heater in my car for the first time in months today, I remembered my desk calendar telling me that yesterday was the first day of autumn. I enjoyed wearing my warm tights and tweed skirt, sweater and overcoat. Crisp, cold air and pink cheeks.

Autumn is my very favorite season. I couldn't have been happier today.

wanderlust, paris

2007-09-24T19:54:00.001-07:00

Patrick and I picked up a hitchhiker whilst driving to IHOP at midnight on Saturday. He had hitchhiked all the way from southern California with only the clothes on his back and was headed to Salt Lake to see some friends. Last year, he spent six months backpacking around Europe.

I miss traveling. I miss adventure. I miss my Paris.

Party of ONE

2007-09-22T17:41:00.000-07:00

I enjoy doing things by myself. Some things I enjoy doing by myself much more than with other people. It's curious to me why there's such a stigma against eating alone in a restaurant or going to see a movie without an entourage.

After making several regrettable purchases last weekend, I had to go back up to the Gateway to return said items this morning. I like driving up there alone. I like having time to just listen to music and think about my life. I shopped around for a while before deciding that I was hungry and decided to get sushi. I sat by myself as servers and fellow diners gave me interesting looks. No, I'm not waiting for anyone. No, I don't have a book or an iPod to make me look busy. I just wanted to sit there and enjoy some miso soup and THINK about things. It was funny to me that I started to feel uncomfortable. It's not like I'm such an unbelievably pathetic loser that I am forced to eat alone. I would hope that people could see that by looking at me but who knows.

Well, I was thinking about a conversation I had with a friend the other night (over dinner! see! I have friends to eat with!). He asked me if I wanted to be in a relationship with someone right now. What? That is foreign to me. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone until I meet someone with whom a relationship is a viable option. For me, that hasn't happened in a long time. There are definitely times where I mourn the lost loves of my life, and times when I feel an acute sense of loneliness, but I don't believe it's the same thing as merely wanting someone.

I went to a music festival tonight. Interestingly enough, despite being surrounded by hundreds of people, I felt exactly the same way I did at the restaurant earlier. Out of place I guess, even though I went with some friends. I used to be social and I used to be able to find someone to talk to wherever I was. More and more in my life I'm having to depend on myself. And with that, more and more I'm realizing how inadequate I am in that regard. Independence is something I've always valued, but how independent am I really? I depend too much on others to make me feel valued or beautiful or talented or witty. I want to feel that way about myself even if I never get another compliment again.

working girl

2007-09-18T20:20:00.000-07:00

I decided against my better judgment to stay up late last night, finally organizing the rubbish in my room now several weeks after moving in. So, naturally, I was forced to call in "sick" and waltz leisurely into work around 10:00 am. As I suspected, it made absolutely no difference that I wasn't there for two hours. Which is a relief but at the same time, it's a little degrading to have confirmation that your job is useless.

My big task for the day was meeting at our new office (currently under construction) with the contractor and interior design project manager. I've been in charge of the design stuff for a while now, due mostly to my boss being out of the office for surgery (elective, I might add). Once she came back she basically 'excused' me from that responsibility, which pissed me off on a few different levels but mostly because that was the one part of my job that I was actually enjoying. Well, aside from spending endless hours in line at the post office or trying to read my boss's mind. Anyway...everyone else had left the meeting and it was just me and the interior design manager. She told me that she thought I should come and work for them. Of course that would catch me off guard to have someone actually recognize that my skills might extend beyond basic household chores. It was a good feeling. And actually exactly what I needed today. I'm going to have to look into that. As much as I would hate to commute to Salt Lake, it could definitely be worth it.

Father, dearest.

2007-09-17T23:54:00.000-07:00

I mentioned earlier that I was apprehensive about my dad coming down here to visit me. No sooner had I posted my first entry when he calls my cell and tells me he thinks it might be a better idea if I come up there for the weekend instead (and he is taking care of all the flight arrangements!). Precisely what I had been thinking. I need to be more appreciative of my dad--he really tries hard and cares about me and I shouldn't be so hard on him for not understanding me. Hell, I shouldn't expect anyone to understand me.

It was only a matter of time.

2007-09-17T21:04:00.001-07:00

Well. After a tear-filled, late-night phone call with my mother (and my father listening next to her in bed) I decided this is a solution. Not the solution. But at least an alternative to writing in my journal. Which is always therapeutic but so difficult to keep up. I don't want to go to therapy. I have always been a firm believer in working through things on my own. I want to believe in that kind of internal capability. It's the same reason I don't take pills very often. Our society has become so dependent on solutions outside our own selves. I prefer to maintain the mindset that I have. Therapy for me would be admitting defeat to something I don't truly believe I've tried to beat on my own.

My dad is flying down here this weekend. My parents got worried after last night's talk. Correction. They were already worried, but as soon as I confirmed the suspicions they thought it might be helpful if my dad came down. It helps that he's being forced to use his vacation time that I imagine has accumulated over years of having his nose to the proverbial grindstone. I haven't been very close with my dad. Ever. So the thought of him going completely out of his way to rescue me is a little uncomfortable. Maybe it will be a good thing.

I can't exactly put into words what is 'going on with me lately.' I would say I'm lonely, but it's more than that. Or I would say I'm bored, but it's not that either exactly. Sometimes I just want to crawl into my bed and pretend that my life isn't actually happening. I feel stuck I suppose. It hasn't helped that I've had two car accidents in the last month, or that I get up early every morning to go to work for a woman who is basically the antithesis of everything I stand for. I don't call anyone or see anyone. And it's rare that anyone calls me. Half the time I ignore my calls and I don't know why I push away the people who know me and care about me. I keep thinking I want to be alone while simultaneously fighting an insatiable longing for human companionship.

Why do I feel like I'm an angst-filled pre-teen again? Ridiculous.